i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
