yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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