12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
