I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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