I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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