My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
