that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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