so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
