were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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