mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
