Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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