She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
