The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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