i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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