carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need a beard to bite.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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