I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
