I will die if light touches me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
