im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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