you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
