I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
