If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
