how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Randomize
