I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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