the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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