If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
