I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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