i was born a porn star she said
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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