I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
