we have officially lost it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
