We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
