my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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