Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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