I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I smell stomach acid.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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