i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
