I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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