when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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