Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
