i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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