i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and she was petting her beer can
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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