Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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