I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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