On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
