Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
