I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
