Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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