i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
