I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
