I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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