Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
