Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
