well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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