Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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