Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize