my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
