I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
