Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
