I seem to have left my pride at pride
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
