theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
