If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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