i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
