do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
