He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
