All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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