Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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