We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
