He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
