I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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