You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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