Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
