this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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