We named our party play list daddy issues
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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